how does my story sound? its called now and forever?
Chapter one
So many of them to choose from. I knew they were a lifetime commitment. But which one would be my faithful companion? Maybe the petite one chewing on the smiley face squeaky or the one that was dragging the washcloth across the floor claiming, “It’s mine and I’m not sharing!” instead I was drawn toward the puppy in the corner. But what made him so special? Well it was very funny because he evidently was peeing on the floor! I laughed and laughed knowing he was the one for me. I walked toward him, a huge grin on my face and he didn’t mind. He probably thought I was there to clean his little wet mess. Scooping him up, I was unaware his bottom was a bit sticky from the urine. I chuckled some more and declared to the breeder, “this is the one I want”.
The drive home was fun, OK FINE I WAS SO EXCITED! Maybe I myself was gonna make a major accident in my pants and onto the car seat! I keep sneaking glances at him, he was nervously chewing on his rope toy that I got from the breeder. Oh how cute his blue-rimmed eyes looked, the puppy eye color for Doberman dogs. His little brown dots over his eyes bounced up and down as he chewed. Being around him even made my hubba bubba gum change flavor every 5 minutes. First the regular grape flavor, then cinnamon, next was chocolate and finally almond.
My mother’s sleek cream-colored Mercedes Benz cruises straight into the gravel driveway, and parks right next my father’s navy blue BMW. His car was untouchable except to him. Not a scratch or dent on the glorious vehicle that has never seen rain or snow. I turned around, remembering the little bundle of fur that was next to me. He stared at me, scanning the face that would nurture him through his life. I lifted his dog carrier, making gently movement not to frighten him any further. He let out a little yelp is discomfort and I froze. A few seconds later, I resumed my slug-like walk. I was last to enter the house but it was totally worth it. I waddled up stairs with the puppy, leaped down stairs and galloped back up with the dog supplies. When I got back to my room, I was glad that he was waiting patiently.
Once again I fell for his eyes and a stainless steel food bowl clattered onto the carpet, startling both of us. I bent down I picked it up without breaking eye contact. I broke out of my trance and got to work. I laid out the two steel food and water bowl on the floor. A burst of chicken and turkey aroma drowned my nose as I pulled open a bag of Blue buffalo puppy chow. It smelled so good I was tempted to try a piece. I let the other dog toys rain down to the carpet. They were challenging yet fun, the kind of toys I was prompted to get. Now was the hard part, getting the puppy out of the carrier. My head quickly filled with questions. What if he bites me? What if he doesn’t like me? What if he thinks the puppy chow isn’t tasty? But my arms pushed myself to open the cage. I leaned forward. He just sat there, in a few moments he would be free of the crate.
He was out, sniffing the ground to inhale the smells. What should I name him? How about something ferocious like, spike or blade? Or something cute and adorable like sparkles or glitter. I know, Bear. Bear was cute, simple yet fierce and powerful. “Bear” I called silently. Bear lifted his head high and acknowledged me. He let out a yip and started eating the chow. The black collar I had for him fit like a glove.
Tagged with: brown dots • car seat • change flavor • doberman dogs • dog carrier • eye color • faithful companion • grape flavor • gravel driveway • hubba bubba gum • lifetime commitment • major accident • mercedes benz • navy blue • rope toy • slug • smiley face • washcloth • wet mess • yelp
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It’s pretty good, although I didn’t really get this part:
"Being around him even made my hubba bubba gum change flavor every 5 minutes. First the regular grape flavor, then cinnamon, next was chocolate and finally almond."
and you might want to separate it into more paragraphs [unless you just wrote it like that because yahoo didn't offer enough space..]
but over all it’s got the potential to be pretty good.
good luck writing!
It sounds pretty good, a slight resemblance to Marley and me.